Things She'll Never Say
by Dazzle My Vajazzle
Summary: I'm not sure that I should be talking about this; Kelly will kill me if she finds out. This is good gossip; a good Totty never keeps gossip like this to herself. Okay, This will blow your mind and shock you so much that you'll need Matron. Kel/Flash


_**Chelsea POV**_

I'm not all too sure that I should be talking about this; Kelly will surely kill me if she finds out, oh my God! What if she explodes my new purse or turns my makeup into a soggy, gooey mess? She totally destroyed my Radley purse last month because I accidently forgot to tell her that Flash was coming and he almost walked in on her shower. It wasn't even my fault! Chloe sent him up, I only opened Kelly's door for him. Then the time before that, Kelly purposely blew up my entire wardrobe with all of my precious clothes inside just because I woke her up too early. That wasn't my fault either; Prince Harry invited me to the palace for lunch. How was I supposed to contain my excitement? Kelly should feel honoured that I went to her with my crisis and not Chloe or Peaches. Anyway, I thought it was a Head Girl's duty to help everyone else out? Apparently not. If it was then Kelly Jones would have saved Taylor from those hideous track suit bottoms and Andrea from that depressing make up of hers.

But this is good gossip; a good Totty never keeps gossip like this to herself. Technically, I'll be helping the Head Girl out by spilling the beans, and then she'll owe me a huge favour. I could get Kelly to implement a compulsory fashion class to help those unfortunate beings like Taylor, Andrea, Polly and pretty much everyone who isn't a Totty. Oh my God! Then the whole school will owe me and my girls' favours! Then we'll be so popular that I'll be elected the new Head Girl! I could make over the uniform and make the Emos wear better and brighter colours! Oh my God! Then word will get to Prince William and he'll want to marry me and I'd be the most fashionable queen ever! Oh my God!

Okay, I'm going to say what I know about the Head Girl but only because England is in desperate need of a fashionable queen. If Kelly wants to kill me for saying what I'm about to say then she shall have to fight her way past the palace guards. I supposed I'll have to give them a makeover as well since bear skins are so last century! I have so much work to do, including arranging the royal wedding and giving my nails some TLC, but I'll start with Kelly Jones, who by the way wants to mix business with pleasure. This is going to blow your mind and shock you so much that I'll have to fetch Matron. Head Girl Kelly Jones likes Flash in the romantic way, but she doesn't know that I know. I'll have to get Keel to go out on a date on him.

How do I know? Well that's an easy question to answer. Yester, in the middle of first period I glided very gracefully, as a future queen would, into our shared attic dorm. I had to go and swap accessories because Peaches pointed out that they clashed. Thank the fashion God, otherwise known as Gok Wan, that nobody else noticed. How embarrassing would that be? I suppose the whole world will want to know about my fashion disasters once I'm the queen, it'll show my loyal subjects that everyone has fashion mishaps every now and then. Anyway, the dorm was predictably empty since everyone was in first period causing mayhem and or in anger management causing noise. I went to my bed and sat down regally, getting practice for when I'm queen2. I had just finished swapping my bangles for my cute Pandora bracelet when I noticed that Jelly's door was a jar. Now the whole school knows that Kelly rarely attends first hour but she always keeps her door firmly shut. So I went over, to per through the gap, I wasn't being nosey. I was just checking up on her, I thought she might be having a fashion meltdown and that she might need my expert help. It was worse, much worse.

I don't remember much, I was too distracted by her bad taste in hair products, but there is one thing. Kelly was brushing her hair; I wish she would dye it red. Black is such a dull and dark colour, the Head Girl should spice it up with a dash of colour, like some dip dyed extensions. Now, the thing about Kelly is that she didn't have that Emo, hard faced, moody look on her face that she normally has. She actually looked her age for once! Honestly, an eighteen year old looking like a middle aged, grumpy man isn't at all attractive. If she smiled a bit more I bet Prince Harry would want to marry her. Oh my God! Then we'd be related! Okay, so Kelly was brushing her bland, Mystic Meg style hair and smiling to herself in the mirror. Then she rolled her eyes, sighed and began to talk to herself, "Stop it Kelly." She told herself sternly. "Stop wishing your life away, it's not doing you any good at all is it? Jones you're distracted, it's a waste of time. If it's not coming out then you won't get anywhere." Then she sighed again and ran her hand through her fringe before starting her little speech again. "Business before pleasure, never mix the two. That's why I can't say I care. Now, pull yourself together before you can't control your damn hormones. Flash is off limits and you know it."

After that I stealthily ran away as fast as I could in my six inch heels, I didn't want to be caught ears dropping on the Head Girl. Who knows what she might do to me this time if she caught me, I couldn't survive if she swapped all my heels for those horrible P.E. pumps again. I would've died if I didn't have replacement heels delivered instantly. So I returned to first period and spent most of the day thinking about the important things in life: clothes, Gucci, royalty, boys, princes, jewellery and what Kelly said to her reflection. I'm glad she has a reflection and that she doesn't sparkle, I still have a small suspicion that Kelly Jones is a vampire though. I've been researching this whole vampire thing and it turns out that there are different types of them, a bit like dogs really. You see there's the 'I vant to suck your vlood' type of vampire, the sparkling pixie ones and the one marked with tattoos from some Goddess. Confusing, I know. Then there are different types of wizards roaming around but we won't start on those.

Back to the topic at hand, I'll deal with the different breeds of vampires when I'm sitting on the throne of England with a pretty little crown upon my noble brow. Back to Kelly and Flash, and I have a plan. A good plan that I thought up on my own without help from Chloe, Peaches or Polly. I'm going to be original with my plans to get Kelly to admit everything to Flash, they'll be cute together. But then Kelly won't be able to marry Prince Harry and we won't be related, I guess Kel would dump Flash for a prince. Any girl would, after all being a princess is every girls dream right? Right, so I'm going to trick Kelly into a classroom with Flash where I'll lock the door and I'll refuse to let them out until they're on the verge of getting Kelly's knees dirty. I'll tell Kelly that Flash wants to discuss some stupid business thing with her in one of the art rooms and I'll tell Flash that Kelly wants to meet him. Right, I'll go do it now then I'll be a step closer to being England's most fashionable queen ever!

I calmly stand up from my seat in front of our, as in the Totties and I, mirror in our own personal dressing room. I make sure that I look absolutely immaculate before leaving the room to consult Polly; I'll need some cameras and mics in the room to check when they've done admitting that they love each other. What does Polly do in the day anyway? She's far too smart to go to lessons; I mean she's already got a degree in science, maths and computing. I've heard that Polly is teaching English since Tania and Tara scared our last English teacher, Miss Gates, away with their indoor fireworks. I don't really know I tend to skip English. I don't really need to learn that subject since I am already fluent in the English language; it would be pointless to sit through a class where I don't learn anything.

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><p>I look over to Polly and she nods her head, signalling that the cameras are ready. I then look to Tania and Tara and give them the thumbs up, telling them to go and get Flash into position. This will be simple, lock Kelly and Flash in a room and see what happens. Then if they don't conform and do what everyone does I the movies then I'll persuade Taylor to use duct tape to bind them together, duct tape fixes everything. So, I rise gracefully and glide over to the sulky, sun dodging Emos. Why Kelly would willing sit in that part of the dorm is a mystery to me, surely she must be scared of Andrea trying to rip off her limbs like the cannibal she makes out to be. "Kelly, Flash wants you." I tell our Head Girl with my dazzling, movie star smile. Kelly raises her immaculate eyebrow at me,<p>

"Did he say why?" She asks calmly. Why can't she just be a normal girl? It would a whole lot easier if she wasn't so guarded all of the bloody time! A normal, simple girl would at least smile at the mention of a boy's name but not Kelly Jones, snow queen. No, instead you have to watch her eyes very carefully, that's the key to unlocking the secret mask of Kelly Jones. Yes, I noticed how her eyes seemed to have a light switch on in them.

"No, he just said something about the maths department. I wasn't really paying attention, he distracted me with that grubby beard look he's got going off." I shrug; Kelly's lips become a tight line at my mild insult about Flash. "He's waiting in the last remaining Maths room." I tell her, in case you're wondering it was Taylor who practically demolished the other Math rooms with fire when half the school burnt down. She blamed the neon kids and now everyone calls them the Flammables because of Taylor's framing. It's tragic really.

"Excuse me Andrea." Kelly said flatly before standing up and leaving the dorm.

Once Kelly has departed in her typical swagger, a grin breaks out across my face. I swirl around on the spot and strut over to the Head Geek. Now, it's up to Tania and Tara to lock and barricade the door once Kelly's in there with Flash. From there the rest is up to Kel and Flash, they'll either confess their undying love for each or face the future of them being bounded together with thick duct tape. It's their choice so no pressure. Polly rolls her eyes at me when I stand, seductively, at the edge of her bed. This is where the fun begins although why Polly has agreed to this I don't know. But there a lot of things I don't know and learning about them has never done me any good. Then Kelly's angry voice bursts out from the speakers in Polly's laptop.

"Is this your idea?" Kelly snarls at Flash. The poor bloke doesn't know what to do but he holds his hands up in surrender to the wild whirlwind that is Kelly Jones.

"I 'ad nothin' to do with this Kel I swear!" He almost pleads. You can so tell that Flash likes Kelly, despite his fear he's smiling like a love struck puppy. Talk about obvious, why can't the omniscient Head Girl see that?

"This has Posh Totty written all over it," Kelly growls, uh-oh she's on to us. I side glance to Polly and gulp, this might not end well after all. Maybe I should frame Taylor.

"Calm down Kel, jus' a joke init? 'Sides, they'll run 'alf a mile when they see yas." He smiles.

I roll my eyes at the innocent conversation happening between the two, talk about boring. Usually at this point in the films, they're tearing each other's clothes off. Why can't they just do that? I'd happily have Polly turn the camera off for them so they could have some sort of privacy if it meant that Kel would actually smile every once in a while. Oh my God! I forgot to put condoms in the room with them! Oh my God! If Kelly gets pregnant then she can thank me by making me Godmother! I have the perfect christening outfit in mind now I just need some shoes and a new hat to complete the outfit. Oh my God, first queen and now a godmother? This day just keeps getting better and better! I need to do some shopping and quick, I still haven't bought my crowing outfit. I need something that won't clash with my future crown. "Polly, I say we break and leave them to it. Shall we come back in an hour? I need time to buy a christening outfit for when Kelly makes me godmother and an outfit that won't clash with my crown."

"You would be the last person Kelly would make godmother after this, she's not even pregnant." Polly sighs, "Totties." She mumbles quietly.

* * *

><p>I absolutely love internet shopping, although I do prefer trying outfits on. In the hour that Polly's left me I've bought a whole new wardrobe! But now back to business, Kelly's spent an hour trying to control her anger. Why can't she just accept my expert help? She's too stubborn if you ask me, she'd get way further in the area of love if she just admitted that she was no good at it. Like I've said millions of times before, if Kelly smiled a little more then she'd have the boys begging her for some sort of attention and the obvious affection. But, Kelly would never take my advice because she thinks that I'm just a stupid Totty. News flash, I have brains.<p>

"Kel?" Flash stumbles over his words slightly.

"If it's about the Maths teachers then I've already sorted it. You'll have your money by the end of the week." She answers; the icy tone of her voice could melt an entire room.

"No Kel," He chuckles nervously, "That's not wot I wanted." I roll my eyes at them, talk about awkward. "L-look Kel, there's a n-new restaurant openin' in the city 'nd I was jus' wondering…" He trailed off with his normal stutter. Then my face drops as the small sound of a click echoes loudly across the room, I told the twins to barricade the door! Not just simply lock it! Oh my God! She's going to kill the future queen of England! Oh my God! I better get Scotland Yard on the phone and arrange suitable protection!

"Parker!" Kelly yells which causing my toned skin turns pale. Where can hide? She's seriously going to kill me! Think Chels think! I know, I'll hide in France for a month or two. Daddy has a nice villa there with some decent clothes and food within it; I'll hide there comfortably while I wait for this all to blow over! "Oh, Flash?" Kelly says in her inside voice, "Next Tuesday, meet me outside the front entrance." She smiles before she struts out the room to find me.

I panic, running around the room and throwing clothes into a suitcase as I go but by the time I get to my makeup it's too late. Kelly had mixed something along the lines of poison ivy into it, I only notice when I'm in France with a hideous itchy face. Never plot against Kelly Jones.

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><p><em><strong>My first KelFlash in about a year o.O  
><strong>__**Review because after having everyone forget my buffday I've had about 3 guilt cakes baked. Yum**_


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